Stoner Sewing Co

Moody Bastard Liam

Welcome to the Stoner Sewing Co audible product information statement and Care Instructions for Season One of The Stoner Sewing Co Bake Day Range

The Stoner Sewing Co. presents a new range of creative apparel to protect your apparel, with The Bake Day Range.

Unique pieces of clothing protection to make every bake day a special day.  Each apron is lovingly stitched and inked by a stoned sewing enthusiast in Menzies Creek, Victoria, Australia.

Soon to be seen on television’s ‘Good Morning, We’re Only Here To Sell You Something’ program, a recent study of a recent survey uncovered that the best way to protect your apparel whilst your creative juices are flowing and your crazy ideas are a flyin’, is to wear another piece of apparel. A piece of apparel that can withstand the process of creating… anything.   Although you may want to add some extra PPE before you spark up the welder. There are some limits to the capabilities of hemp and cotton, even if it is tightly woven into a 400gsm fabric and making up some 97.1% of your garment protecting garment

 It ain’t gonna save your dumb arse if you’re chainsaw carving a penguin!

Out of wood!

Wood sculpting a penguin with a chainsaw is what I mean. Your apron has straps and could get caught in the chain whilst you’re hanging upside down trying to saw out a beak… Please do look up ‘common sense’ on this thing they call the internet for other important safety measures to keep you alive…… Do penguins have beaks?  I guess they do…but they’re not bird birds, are they?

The Stoner Sewing Co. has you covered with a heavy-duty hemp (55%) and labelled organic cotton (45%) from Margaret River Hemp Co – I can’t be sure of the origins of the raw materials and am 99.9 % sure it’s coming in from China – I did make some enquiries about locally grown and milled fabrics and apparently, it’s not a thing anymore. Or that’s what I discovered in half an hour of searching the world (wide web).

Anyways, I appreciate that producing these products has an impact – but I’m hoping that I can source sustainably grown and milled textiles that are affordable for my pocket, your pocket and the pocket of the planet you inhabit

I reckon I can make a useful product, as ethically as possible to supplement any other income stream live on.

I appreciate that I have more than most.  I am most fortunate.

So hear, here we are and I’m hoping that your apron protects your other long term clothing. You can take the foot off the accelerator of fast fashion, which is trashing the planet at a faster rate than something else that’s trashing the planet. The Stoner Sewing Company apron will never be “that’s so this morning”. 

It’s an apron.

A quick search on the internet using a behometh of a search engine provider I found the history of aprons.   4th down the list on page 1 teaches us that

‘Apron’ comes from the Medieval French word ‘naperon’, meaning small tablecloth.
Since this word was often mispronounced as ‘an apron’, in the 17th Century, the garment eventually became known as an ‘apron’. Over the years, aprons have been worn as part of uniforms, trades and rituals or simply as fashion statements.

Naperon An Apron Naperon – nuh! They sound nothing alike

Anyhoo, I wonder who was the first person to wear a small table cloth or Naperon as a coverall or apron, Where was their usual piece of apparel protecting apparel?  Perhaps it was in the wash. 

If you want to create,  you’re welcome to wear a Stoner Sewing Co apron.  You are the reason we made it.
Not really… back in year 7 1980  I made an apron with Mrs Fish in sewing class.

I still have it, it still serves its function but the straps no longer extend around my expanding girth.  I was somewhat shorter and slimmer back then as an 11 year old.   

And so, The Stoner Sewing Co. seed was sown.   Some days, weeks, months went by and eventually the procurement department ordered some fabric and started collecting bits n bobs from the craft and art shops…….from this point it took around eighteen months and finally some product design and development took shape with the team. By team I mean watching the same two YouTube videos over and over and over and over again for an entire week in an undocumented month and then wam! The Stoner Sewing Co went into production in September, maybe August, nah more like October (it is November yeah?), 2022. Did I thank Erica and Mimi G Style? 

Wow, this is nowhere near close to the proximity of what I had in mind for the Care Instructions for your apron.

Each piece has you covered with its heavy duty twill fabric.  As described above (I hope)
Cut, measured and probably cut again before being cautiously stitched on a borrowed sewing machine with a lot, quite possibly, probably maybe definitely more stitch styles than I can handle but am oh so willing to try, The pattern from Mimi G Style and Erica on a Youtube video proving that you can learn to do nearly anything while baking with your bud.   Which is why we’re selling aprons.  It’s illegal to grow, harvest, bake and sell cannabis in Victoria.  So I’m not prepared to be arrested for “cultivating and trafficking drugs”.  I’m already a criminal for possessing and using cannabis but, thankfully or at least hopefully, policing has relaxed a little even if the laws are not keeping up with changing community attitudes.

Anyways, each seam is ironed in, before washing, to shrink the fabric ready for printing.  Hand stamped with blocks printed by Stu B on his whizzbang 3D printer.  I was going to do lino cut but that’s a fine art and impossible to reach an acceptable level of mediocrity at the bare minimum, which is what we’re realistically aiming for,  in the timeframe available so my mate Stu put his 3D printer into good use and printed the stamps. 

Of course ink stamps don’t just design themselves.   A beautiful local creator in Tigs, designed all the Peejyboy’s FunTime Bakehouse imagery……countless hours of brainstorming over countless games of backgammon with countless squares of hazelnut milk chocolate, Tigs, with his flair for story telling in all mediums and from a half baked brief,  worked his magic and created the best branding ever.  

Apparently you gotta build your brand….so said a doctor sitting in the window seat to my left on a grounded plane in Miami Florida in February 2019.  I wasn’t talking to him…the ever so annoying and seemingly inconsolable brat of a passenger sitting on my right struck up the conversation, She coulda been in her 40’s 50’s 60’s, who knows – I don’t think her forehead or eyebrows moved once during her animated huffing and puffing.  Her daughter was an influencer.   Didn’t catch an influencer of what but she seemed so proud.   I regret not engaging but I was not in the mood to deal with such fucktardery after a non stop 8 days in Cuba…..a far cry from the idea of doctors building brands and daughters influencing the distracted youth…..I wonder if, let’s call her Karen, I wonder if Karen’s daughter could influence her followers enough to purchase this season’s must have piece of apparel to protect their apparel……..How much will it cost me I wonder….an apron and delivery….seems pretty cheap way of advertising….perhaps I could do it myself…..how hard can it be?   Who are these followers…..will it need a password,.……

Oh, thanks to Erica and Mimi G Style The Stoner Sewing Co creates aprons with a fully adjustable cotton strap.  We don’t do body shaming here……Doesn’t matter if you’re a skinny, fat, short, tall, oblong or stumpy, you’ll be adorable in your Stoner Sewing Co apron from any of the Bake Day seasons of apparel protecting apparel.  

Some also have pockets and you may be lucky to score a built in spoon holder.  We like to provide solutions to problems you don’t have.  You will order an apron, possibly with pockets, in a specified spot with a specified pattern.  You will get an apron.  If you gave me money you will get an apron.  But due to the Stoner Sewing Co’s drug policy, I can’t guarantee that you will get a pocket, in the shape and or location requested, or the exact print you ordered.  Or colour, or too much colour……But you will get the apron and that’s all you really need.

Perhaps you didn’t order it and received it as a gift.  That tells me that you’re alright – if someone bought you apparel protecting apparel that means they love you .  A lot.  Make a Thank You…..be sure to wear your new naperon….have you been paying attention

Perfect for bakers, anglers, painters, dockers, rockers, decorators, procrastinators, brewers, drinkers, smokers, distillers, roasters, baristas, sewers, stoners, gardeners, teachers, carers, trivia night goers and record (come in) spinners.  

If you want to wear a Stoner Sewing Co apron, you do that.  You wear that motherfucker loud and you wear that motherfucker proud.

If you’re doing something creative, you need to do it in a Stoner Sewing Co apron from the Bake Day Range.

There’s waaaay more to the story behind the Stoner Sewing Co, its ethos, ethics, standards and whatever else it needs to consider – please do educate us…..but there won’t be any need to get all righteous on us….consider your words as they do indeed hold immense power…..don’t be the arsehole.

Visit www.peejyboysfuntimebakehouse.com for product updates and other pertinent stuff like how to write to your local representative about necessary changes to the laws prohibiting cannabis cultivation and use for personal or micro business purposes.

Then, in a few days, weeks, months, years, please do come back to www.peejyboysfuntimebakehouse.com to see if we’ve actually added any content.

Oh yes!!!!!!!!!!!!  The care instructions!!!!

Wear your Stoner Sewing Co apron whenever you’re creating.

Get messy!  Or don’t.  Accidents can happen even to the most careful of operators.  A Stoner Sewing Co apron is your insurance policy for saving your other fine apparel.

Do wash your apron.  Hot cold, whatevers…..it’s already shrunk once, I don’t think it will turn into a miniature….if it does please do send it back….that’d be totes cool for the museum.

Do NOT iron the prints without first covering them with baking paper – you’ll probably fuck the print and also fuck your iron – although the ceramic plate on my reasonably new iron did eventually clean itself – but now that I think about it I wonder on what…..quite possibly your apron.

It’s an apron, use it as one and it’ll meet your expectations.  Remember, you chose to purchase an apron from The Stoner Sewing Co where we’re easily satisfied with an acceptable level of mediocrity.

As you may have noticed by now, we take our drugs policy seriously.  Very seriously.   But not so seriously that we shirk our OHS issues.   I appreciate that any activity has it’s associated risks and pulling out the old Singer 5530 may result in injury or even my death if I’m not giving it my full attention.  The quality of the stitch can’t be questioned.  It will hold.  It may not look pretty, or it might if I had a go at number 37 on the stitch selector thingamejing,   I find it absolutely fascinating and somewhat baffling as to how sewing machines work.  What a marvelous invention.   So fucking useful.   

Who actually needs merchant bankers.

The print may fade, possibly quickly.   That’d be a shame but not the end of the world.  This is Season 1, I’m 53 and it was only a short time ago I thought that I could sew me an apron.  Turns out all I want to do now is sew.

 You’re getting a minimum of four to five to eight hours of my love, devotion and craftsmanship.  Although most of this time is spent looking for the scissors which I swear I just put down next to the machine.

If it ain’t a creamy coloured apron it may have been dyed, possibly poorly, so be sure to wash separately until you’re 100% certain it won’t tinge your other clothes.   That would be the exact opposite of why you’re wearing an apron. 

Maybe don’t wash it at all.   I might think of a prize for the most messed up apron posted online – coz the world needs to know this shit.  I say might.  I probably won’t.   But I do want to see the Stoner Sewing Co aprons getting messed up out there….it’ll warm my heart if you’re inspired to create.  

Thank you for being you and supporting The Stoner Sewing Co, a subsidiary of Peejyboy’s FunTime Bakehouse.   Did we tell you the story of Peejyboy’s FunTime Bakehouse…..well it all started in 1985, or there abouts, in the eastern suburbs of Melbourne, a kid at a public high school tried marijuana for the first time, he didn’t enjoy the experience and freaked out a bi………….

I see you’re drifting off, perhaps another time

Create and be well.

Peejyboy.

It was two and a half hours later he wonders if he should have listened to beautiful human Tina and just stuck with his original product statement.

Remember, you’re dealing with the Stoner Sewing Co.

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